Under and Over Personal Responsibility

"If you've been spiritually abused, you may tend to the extreme of being under-responsible in your relationship with God and others. This simply means that you have realized that no amount of performance results in the promised prize of love, acceptance or rest. Therefore you either decide to give up, or you expend the least amount of energy possible in order to just get by. Inwardly, your attitude is, 'Let the pastor visit the sick, let the evangelist witness to the lost--I've had it!'

On the other hand, you may have learned to be overresponsible, a burden bearer. Everyone's issues are yours to solve. Their heavy feelings are yours to fix. You have an impossible time saying to no to people's needs or requests. After all, if you don't do it, who will? You have a greater sense of God needing you than of you needing God. In fact, not only are you responsible for how everybody else's day goes, you are even responsible for God's day too. It's your job to live just right, so that God can feel please at the end of the day.

The most extreme form of overresponsibility happens when you martyr yourself. You believe that having needs or opinions is selfish. Being affected by insults and thoughtless actions is immature, and having any feelings is being oversensitive. Going without is a prime virtue. Feeling numb to life is th end result.

Matthew 9:36 describes the multitudes as 'distressed' and 'downcast.' This was a result of the performance weight placed on them by the religious leaders who did not shepherd them, but devoured them instead. They did this by endless spiritual rules and regulations, and by constantly pointing out the least flaw in others. If you've been through this, you wind up very tired, emotionally, physically and spiritually. This may show up in the form of lack of energy or motivation, impatience with the needs of others, depression, a sense of being trapped, or finding ways to escape."

- David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen

from: http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse-Manipulation/dp/0764201379/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie