http://www.bloomthemagazine.com/
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/
http://egkeim.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
to care
“I’m not afraid to make big mistakes. To fall flat on my face. I need to get this looked at, need to get this looked at. I need some time to think about what I’ve done…”
- The Almost
In earnest, I am the exact opposite of the song lyrics say above. I hate to make mistakes, and I am quite afraid of falling on my face. I do not like to look bad in any situation. In fact, when I am alone (most often when I am trying to fall asleep) I go through all the “stupid” things I may have said or done that day in my mind. In most cases I imagine other people haven’t even noticed or perceived what I said or did in the way I felt it was taken. Although most of the time, it is hard to convince myself of that.
Yet, I am learning to admit more freely where I actually do lack. I wouldn’t say that I am a humble person, but I hope that one day once God has worked on me more, that I will possess the quality of humility. In saying all of that, I would like to impart a lesson that I’ve learned and honesty about my own character.
I have been working for a little over two years now as a care giver for a very special woman. It is an interesting situation for me, as she is both my Mother’s best friend and my Godmother. I first met her when I was about six or seven years old. Since then she has been an integral part of my family and a deeply important model of faith for me. We share a unique friendship that goes beyond the employer and employee relationship. And I thank God for allowing me the privilege of serving her in the ways He has led me to.
Despite all of that, there are many days when I have just not felt like going to work. I’m tired or grumpy or restless. I don’t feel like doing laundry or dishes, or being cooped up in a house all day. I would rather be in bed or go out somewhere to do something fun. When I first started feeling this way I would just rush through work, willing the clock to move faster so I could leave. Lately though I have felt a nudge to submit those feelings to God, asking Him to teach me through them. I don’t want to take my moods out on other people. I don’t want to rush or not do something properly because I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to be a hindrance instead of a help to my Godmother. And I don’t want my way of “caring” to continue to be so shallow and fickle.
One of the many essential things that I have learned while working as a care giver has been what is genuine caring, and what is a selfish façade of caring. My Godmother has told me stories of people who would come to visit her in order to minister to her or show her some kindness. Yet what they really ended up doing was demanding that she get out of bed when she was sick, to sit with them so she could be talked at and ridiculed for not being able to be a good hostess or for the problems she faced in her life, including her inability to fix them despite her crippling illness. And many times if they wanted to do something specific to “help” her, it would end up being something that just made her situation worse.
From her conveyed experiences and the ways that I feel God has been teaching me, I can deduce one of the biggest reasons why people who want to help end up hurting instead. I have even done this myself. When approaching a person who needs help, we have come to the situation with our ideas of what they need, our assumptions of what will fix their problems. So we act on them, instead of stopping to ask and listen to what the person might say they actually need. We set out to do one task that could be the complete opposite of what would help, because it’s what we’re comfortable with or because it might be something we would want someone else to do for us. In some situations, what we do is done just so that we can pat ourselves on the back. We quickly perform our moral duty to help someone less fortunate than us and then go on our way.
It takes more sacrifice than that to really help. It takes the willingness to listen and put aside what we feel like doing. If we want to learn how to care in a real way, to serve a person in the way Jesus would have us serve, we need to give more time. And actually, once that time is given, I have found it is actually a lot easier to care and give help because God is helping me do it. I have learned and continue to learn that my way of caring is quite superficial. That even my deepest times of care are so insignificant compared to how all encompassing and compassionate God’s care is. It actually disturbs me to think about the level of care I previously considered to be enough.
Now that I’ve had a bit of a heart lesson, even though I still have those feelings of not wanting to go to work and help, I have begun asking God to mold me and change the way I care to align more with His. It’s quite simple to learn how to help, actually. Listening is a crucial part of helping. And once we listen, we will most likely be given all kinds of ways that would help a person, whether small or big. It’s just about learning to turn the focus from ourselves to others. It's about whether or not we really want to learn to care.
- The Almost
In earnest, I am the exact opposite of the song lyrics say above. I hate to make mistakes, and I am quite afraid of falling on my face. I do not like to look bad in any situation. In fact, when I am alone (most often when I am trying to fall asleep) I go through all the “stupid” things I may have said or done that day in my mind. In most cases I imagine other people haven’t even noticed or perceived what I said or did in the way I felt it was taken. Although most of the time, it is hard to convince myself of that.
Yet, I am learning to admit more freely where I actually do lack. I wouldn’t say that I am a humble person, but I hope that one day once God has worked on me more, that I will possess the quality of humility. In saying all of that, I would like to impart a lesson that I’ve learned and honesty about my own character.
I have been working for a little over two years now as a care giver for a very special woman. It is an interesting situation for me, as she is both my Mother’s best friend and my Godmother. I first met her when I was about six or seven years old. Since then she has been an integral part of my family and a deeply important model of faith for me. We share a unique friendship that goes beyond the employer and employee relationship. And I thank God for allowing me the privilege of serving her in the ways He has led me to.
Despite all of that, there are many days when I have just not felt like going to work. I’m tired or grumpy or restless. I don’t feel like doing laundry or dishes, or being cooped up in a house all day. I would rather be in bed or go out somewhere to do something fun. When I first started feeling this way I would just rush through work, willing the clock to move faster so I could leave. Lately though I have felt a nudge to submit those feelings to God, asking Him to teach me through them. I don’t want to take my moods out on other people. I don’t want to rush or not do something properly because I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to be a hindrance instead of a help to my Godmother. And I don’t want my way of “caring” to continue to be so shallow and fickle.
One of the many essential things that I have learned while working as a care giver has been what is genuine caring, and what is a selfish façade of caring. My Godmother has told me stories of people who would come to visit her in order to minister to her or show her some kindness. Yet what they really ended up doing was demanding that she get out of bed when she was sick, to sit with them so she could be talked at and ridiculed for not being able to be a good hostess or for the problems she faced in her life, including her inability to fix them despite her crippling illness. And many times if they wanted to do something specific to “help” her, it would end up being something that just made her situation worse.
From her conveyed experiences and the ways that I feel God has been teaching me, I can deduce one of the biggest reasons why people who want to help end up hurting instead. I have even done this myself. When approaching a person who needs help, we have come to the situation with our ideas of what they need, our assumptions of what will fix their problems. So we act on them, instead of stopping to ask and listen to what the person might say they actually need. We set out to do one task that could be the complete opposite of what would help, because it’s what we’re comfortable with or because it might be something we would want someone else to do for us. In some situations, what we do is done just so that we can pat ourselves on the back. We quickly perform our moral duty to help someone less fortunate than us and then go on our way.
It takes more sacrifice than that to really help. It takes the willingness to listen and put aside what we feel like doing. If we want to learn how to care in a real way, to serve a person in the way Jesus would have us serve, we need to give more time. And actually, once that time is given, I have found it is actually a lot easier to care and give help because God is helping me do it. I have learned and continue to learn that my way of caring is quite superficial. That even my deepest times of care are so insignificant compared to how all encompassing and compassionate God’s care is. It actually disturbs me to think about the level of care I previously considered to be enough.
Now that I’ve had a bit of a heart lesson, even though I still have those feelings of not wanting to go to work and help, I have begun asking God to mold me and change the way I care to align more with His. It’s quite simple to learn how to help, actually. Listening is a crucial part of helping. And once we listen, we will most likely be given all kinds of ways that would help a person, whether small or big. It’s just about learning to turn the focus from ourselves to others. It's about whether or not we really want to learn to care.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
job's theology and the character of God - quote from "Cries of the Heart"
“By taking our place upon the cross and bridging the chasm between God, who offered life, and humanity, which deserved death, Christ spanned the greatest gulf. Our thirst for a mediator before God is a very genuine cry that has been expressed in virtually every theistic religion. But for most, the God who is out there is treated as still being out there. For others, the quest to bring God near without humanizing Him has been a particular struggle. Thus in Greek mythology, heroes and the personification of ideals proliferate. In pantheism, avatars, or incarnations, form the bulk of revelation. But in the Christian faith, the fact that God comes close while remaining transcendent is very unique. To what degree Job understood this will always remain moot, but that he cried out even in his primitive understanding of redemption that a Savior would understand his suffering, plead his cause, and vindicate him is remarkable.
In short, this discovery affirmed one of Job’s convictions but shattered one aspect of his theology. Job had repeatedly said that as far as he knew he had lived an honorable life. But he had assumed all along that if one walked the straight and narrow and lived a life of purity, prosperity and freedom from pain would naturally follow. This was a false conclusion.
Over the years of history we have seen this unfortunate deduction made time and again. We may even recall that when John the Baptist was put into prison he wondered if Jesus was indeed who He claimed to be. The implication was, ‘If He is the Messiah, then why am I in prison?’ The apostle Peter could not for a moment conceive of the Son of God going to a cross. As hard as it is to accept, suffering is not always because of one’s personal sin, but suffering will always have to be dealt with personally. Our Lord Himself bore the pain of that which was not His own doing, but the Captain of our salvation was made perfect, that is, complete, through suffering. Life must never be viewed from the isolated instances of one’s personal struggle. There is a big picture and a complete picture into which our personal struggle fits. That picture is in the mind of God. The closer we draw to Him the clearer that picture becomes. And part of that picture is pain and desolation.
But if Job had his theology shattered and if the picture told him that even the righteous could suffer pain and hurt, what was the one thing he would need to know more than anything else? That is where we find the answer that Job needed most, as much as we do when walking through deep waters. I can best answer this by an illustration.
Some years ago while I had the privilege of speaking at Moody Bible Institute we had the extraordinary blessing of listening to a talk by Professor Charles Cooper, who taught there. He sat in a chair as he told his story that was still so fresh in his memory and in the memories of those who knew him. He spoke of the thrill he’d felt of being newly married and of the delight of a young love. Yet only four months into his marriage, tragedy struck.
His wife was returning from a trip, and he and his mother-in-law went to the airport to pick her up. As the plane pulled up to the jet-way, they saw ambulances and police cars closing in on the back of the aircraft and personnel from those vehicles running up the back stairway. But Charles’s focus was on the front of the plane from where his wife would disembark. All of a sudden, his mother-in-law clasped his arm and pointed to a stretcher that was being removed from the back door of the airplane. On the stretcher was obviously a body, covered by a white sheet. But that is not all. Hanging from the stretcher was a purse that they recognized as his wife’s.
A few moments later their names were called over the loudspeaker and in shock, they were informed that shortly before landing, without any previous history of such a condition, his young wife had suffered a fatal heart attack.
How does one respond to news so debilitating? Charles Cooper walked us through his own journey of pain. His closing comment will forever ring in my ears. He said that the cards, the letters, the phone calls, the embraces, and the love of friends all played part in helping him to survive. ‘But what kept me going more than anything else was my confidence in the character of God.’ That was the bottom line.
This is the adjustment Job needed. Constantly focusing on his own character and purity, he had lost sight of the character of God Himself. Those who have walked this path hold on to that truth with all the strength they have. God is not only all-powerful. He is perfect in goodness. We must trust Him even when the times are grim.
At the end, Job discovered that this God who was his Creator and Designer, his Revealer and Comforter, his Mediator and Savior, was also his Strengthener and Restorer.”
- Ravi Zacharias
from Cries of the Heart pgs 85-87
and in case you might want to read the book of Job:http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%201&version=NASB
In short, this discovery affirmed one of Job’s convictions but shattered one aspect of his theology. Job had repeatedly said that as far as he knew he had lived an honorable life. But he had assumed all along that if one walked the straight and narrow and lived a life of purity, prosperity and freedom from pain would naturally follow. This was a false conclusion.
Over the years of history we have seen this unfortunate deduction made time and again. We may even recall that when John the Baptist was put into prison he wondered if Jesus was indeed who He claimed to be. The implication was, ‘If He is the Messiah, then why am I in prison?’ The apostle Peter could not for a moment conceive of the Son of God going to a cross. As hard as it is to accept, suffering is not always because of one’s personal sin, but suffering will always have to be dealt with personally. Our Lord Himself bore the pain of that which was not His own doing, but the Captain of our salvation was made perfect, that is, complete, through suffering. Life must never be viewed from the isolated instances of one’s personal struggle. There is a big picture and a complete picture into which our personal struggle fits. That picture is in the mind of God. The closer we draw to Him the clearer that picture becomes. And part of that picture is pain and desolation.
But if Job had his theology shattered and if the picture told him that even the righteous could suffer pain and hurt, what was the one thing he would need to know more than anything else? That is where we find the answer that Job needed most, as much as we do when walking through deep waters. I can best answer this by an illustration.
Some years ago while I had the privilege of speaking at Moody Bible Institute we had the extraordinary blessing of listening to a talk by Professor Charles Cooper, who taught there. He sat in a chair as he told his story that was still so fresh in his memory and in the memories of those who knew him. He spoke of the thrill he’d felt of being newly married and of the delight of a young love. Yet only four months into his marriage, tragedy struck.
His wife was returning from a trip, and he and his mother-in-law went to the airport to pick her up. As the plane pulled up to the jet-way, they saw ambulances and police cars closing in on the back of the aircraft and personnel from those vehicles running up the back stairway. But Charles’s focus was on the front of the plane from where his wife would disembark. All of a sudden, his mother-in-law clasped his arm and pointed to a stretcher that was being removed from the back door of the airplane. On the stretcher was obviously a body, covered by a white sheet. But that is not all. Hanging from the stretcher was a purse that they recognized as his wife’s.
A few moments later their names were called over the loudspeaker and in shock, they were informed that shortly before landing, without any previous history of such a condition, his young wife had suffered a fatal heart attack.
How does one respond to news so debilitating? Charles Cooper walked us through his own journey of pain. His closing comment will forever ring in my ears. He said that the cards, the letters, the phone calls, the embraces, and the love of friends all played part in helping him to survive. ‘But what kept me going more than anything else was my confidence in the character of God.’ That was the bottom line.
This is the adjustment Job needed. Constantly focusing on his own character and purity, he had lost sight of the character of God Himself. Those who have walked this path hold on to that truth with all the strength they have. God is not only all-powerful. He is perfect in goodness. We must trust Him even when the times are grim.
At the end, Job discovered that this God who was his Creator and Designer, his Revealer and Comforter, his Mediator and Savior, was also his Strengthener and Restorer.”
- Ravi Zacharias
from Cries of the Heart pgs 85-87
and in case you might want to read the book of Job:http://www.biblegateway.co
Saturday, January 9, 2010
safe?
It was one of those days today, which are greatly contrasted in my mind. The sun shone brightly; warm when shielded in a house or a car, with the streams of light flickering through a window. Yet if you were to stand out in one of the fields that we passed while I was riding shotgun in the car with my Mom this afternoon, you’d have not felt any sort of comforting embrace from that same light.
Our destination was also something that caused a bit of a gap to be formed in my mind. I can’t go too much into detail without disclosing personal information, but I can say that after we reached our destination, saw what we needed to see, and were returning home, a sadness began to swell inside me. I came away from the experience with a conviction about safety and that there is an absolute right way of acting/thinking that should be followed. I was reminded that places and people, who are supposed to be safe, supposed to be those that lead, guard, teach, should never end up being in the position of abusing, manipulating, or hurting those that are placed under their authority. Yet, I know that in this world, it is almost common for such a cruelty to take place. Parents abuse their power over their children, pastors abuse their authority over their congregations (which can sometimes be the worst of all of these because pastors/priests represent God in people’s minds), teachers abuse their responsibility over their students, friends abuse the trust given them, and so it goes in every position of “power” and every form of relationship. It is the way humans act, but it isn’t how it was meant to be. So when I come into contact with it, when anyone experiences such things, something inside is wounded.
After a couple of hours of focus on painting projects, I’ve come back to the subject of safety and the fact that anyone with any type of authority over another is accountable to God (Mark 9:42-43, 1 Peter 5:1-4). In my own life over the passed couple of years I have learned through situation after situation who is “safe” and who is not, and the characteristics that signify safety to me and to others. I could not have learned any of these lessons by myself, and in many instances had to have others wiser and more discerning than me point out characteristics and actions that were in fact detrimental to my health (physical, mental, or spiritual). Many times I did not see something as wrong or overly harmful. I had been around such behavior so long it didn’t faze me and even if I was hurting I would automatically blame myself for whatever it was that was happening. I guess I had been manipulated into a position of blindness to not recognize when what someone was saying or doing was really wrong, so I needed others to lead me through that blindness. It has taken me quite awhile to even begin seeing the signs of these abusive behaviors when they are manifested in someone I come into contact with, and I am still learning to listen to those “gut feelings” that were ignored before.
I won’t name names, or blast anyone over the internet to put my point across. But I will say that I’ve experienced repeatedly the breaking of trust, being manipulated and misled, or being abused verbally in friendships, romantic relationships, by pastors, by family members, and by teachers. I have been blessed by God, for whatever His reasons may be, to not have experienced these things from my parents and I am eternally grateful for that. I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of people (if not all) who read this have experienced similar things from people of authority or friends. I mention that list above mostly to convey that I am familiar with what I’m speaking of and that I understand that it is very common, unfortunately. Also, as I made that list I realized even more than what I had originally thought of as being wrong behavior. I am learning even as I write this.
So, I come to what I really wanted to share: the actions and characteristics that make someone “safe” and trustworthy to me. I realize that not everyone will agree with my list and I don’t really expect this to be universal, but a lot of what I consider proof of trustworthiness I gleaned from other wiser person’s experiences and teachings. I feel that in sharing what I’ve learned, that maybe someone else will be helped or realize something they may not have before.
I guess the first thing that signifies a person being safe or trustworthy to me, is when someone is willing to admit their faults. Humility is such a big indicator to me (and something that I usually fail at but repeatedly ask God for). It has been something that has been taught to me for as long as I can remember. My parents have been unique in that they have always admitted when they’ve been wrong and have apologized to each other or to me and my siblings for it. They have expressed real sorrow about these things and I have always had the ever important example of repentance from them. In many situations since I’ve learned that, I have experienced the denial of wrong and the blatant projection of actions placed on me from other people in my life. I don’t expect that when confronted, anyone should automatically take on anything that I may be bringing up. I am not a person’s judge, only Jesus is. Yet we are told in the Bible to bring our grievances to each other (Matthew 18:15-17) and it is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict (John 16:5-11). So, when I have been mistreated and when I have brought it up, it shows that a person should not be trusted when they ignore what I’ve said and move on to tell me all of the bad things I’ve ever done ( and at times making things up that never happened). When someone is unwilling to admit where they’ve legitimately done or said wrong, they generally are not going to change their behavior and therefore are not going to be safe to be around.
The second characteristic, which ties into the first, is when a person throws themselves on the mercy of God. In other words, that the person has professed that they sin and need Jesus to redeem them. I am far more likely to trust someone who admits to not having everything together and that they sin, because a person who says they never hurt anyone or lie, etc., is obviously not going to admit when they’ve mistreated me or anyone else for that matter. Now I’m not saying that all Christians are automatically safe and trustworthy. I would never say that, because I have experienced mistreatment from just as many Christians as non-Christians. So I guess you may wonder why I consider Christianity a qualifier then. Well, in my life I have had my parents’ example as you’ve read above, and also I have had the example of others who rely heavily on Jesus and His example in their lives. And I don’t think there is really anyone other than Jesus in history that could stand up to being the epitome of being trustworthy and safe. Even if you don’t believe that Jesus is who He says He is, who in history has been morally superior to Jesus? Who else has been willing to do what Jesus did for us, die a horrible death and take on every wrong thing that anyone has ever done, thought, felt, etc?
But I don’t mean to get into an argument with anyone or to try to convert people. I’m trying to talk about safety here. Heh. So for me, a Christian who actively lives like Jesus is considered safe. This takes time for me though. I don’t see one thing a person does and automatically say “Oh, I can trust this person.” I actually discourage that because trust is such an important thing that takes time to build and should not be given lightly. I used to trust all the wrong kinds of people and would just take whatever someone dished out to me without a thought. I still can fall into that habit and have to be more vigilant. I am learning though and take my time even with the people that have proven to be trustworthy by my standards.
I actually thought that I had more to list than I do. I am laying here trying to think of anything else that makes me feel safe. I suppose that things such as compassion, kindness, consideration, understanding, encouraging, and etc. all fall under the characteristics of Jesus and therefore are grouped into my second characteristic category. I reiterate though that I realize not all Christians possess these characteristics. This is either because someone who professes to be a Christian doesn’t really understand what it is to be one, or because God hasn’t chosen to work on that specific part of the person yet. Christians aren’t better people than everyone else. We still do bad things and mess up. It’s about whether or not we pay attention to the nudge of the Holy Spirit and our fellow believers to realize where we need to repent and change. The process of becoming like Jesus as is life-long, so even when I say I trust someone who has repeatedly proved to follow Jesus’ example, I know that they will still hurt me or slight me at times. If they repent, it is then my desire to learn to forgive them (Matthew 18:21-35).
I don’t know if any of this has struck a chord with you, but I would like to know now, what characteristics prove safety and trustworthiness to you? What kind of person do you trust?
Our destination was also something that caused a bit of a gap to be formed in my mind. I can’t go too much into detail without disclosing personal information, but I can say that after we reached our destination, saw what we needed to see, and were returning home, a sadness began to swell inside me. I came away from the experience with a conviction about safety and that there is an absolute right way of acting/thinking that should be followed. I was reminded that places and people, who are supposed to be safe, supposed to be those that lead, guard, teach, should never end up being in the position of abusing, manipulating, or hurting those that are placed under their authority. Yet, I know that in this world, it is almost common for such a cruelty to take place. Parents abuse their power over their children, pastors abuse their authority over their congregations (which can sometimes be the worst of all of these because pastors/priests represent God in people’s minds), teachers abuse their responsibility over their students, friends abuse the trust given them, and so it goes in every position of “power” and every form of relationship. It is the way humans act, but it isn’t how it was meant to be. So when I come into contact with it, when anyone experiences such things, something inside is wounded.
After a couple of hours of focus on painting projects, I’ve come back to the subject of safety and the fact that anyone with any type of authority over another is accountable to God (Mark 9:42-43, 1 Peter 5:1-4). In my own life over the passed couple of years I have learned through situation after situation who is “safe” and who is not, and the characteristics that signify safety to me and to others. I could not have learned any of these lessons by myself, and in many instances had to have others wiser and more discerning than me point out characteristics and actions that were in fact detrimental to my health (physical, mental, or spiritual). Many times I did not see something as wrong or overly harmful. I had been around such behavior so long it didn’t faze me and even if I was hurting I would automatically blame myself for whatever it was that was happening. I guess I had been manipulated into a position of blindness to not recognize when what someone was saying or doing was really wrong, so I needed others to lead me through that blindness. It has taken me quite awhile to even begin seeing the signs of these abusive behaviors when they are manifested in someone I come into contact with, and I am still learning to listen to those “gut feelings” that were ignored before.
I won’t name names, or blast anyone over the internet to put my point across. But I will say that I’ve experienced repeatedly the breaking of trust, being manipulated and misled, or being abused verbally in friendships, romantic relationships, by pastors, by family members, and by teachers. I have been blessed by God, for whatever His reasons may be, to not have experienced these things from my parents and I am eternally grateful for that. I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of people (if not all) who read this have experienced similar things from people of authority or friends. I mention that list above mostly to convey that I am familiar with what I’m speaking of and that I understand that it is very common, unfortunately. Also, as I made that list I realized even more than what I had originally thought of as being wrong behavior. I am learning even as I write this.
So, I come to what I really wanted to share: the actions and characteristics that make someone “safe” and trustworthy to me. I realize that not everyone will agree with my list and I don’t really expect this to be universal, but a lot of what I consider proof of trustworthiness I gleaned from other wiser person’s experiences and teachings. I feel that in sharing what I’ve learned, that maybe someone else will be helped or realize something they may not have before.
I guess the first thing that signifies a person being safe or trustworthy to me, is when someone is willing to admit their faults. Humility is such a big indicator to me (and something that I usually fail at but repeatedly ask God for). It has been something that has been taught to me for as long as I can remember. My parents have been unique in that they have always admitted when they’ve been wrong and have apologized to each other or to me and my siblings for it. They have expressed real sorrow about these things and I have always had the ever important example of repentance from them. In many situations since I’ve learned that, I have experienced the denial of wrong and the blatant projection of actions placed on me from other people in my life. I don’t expect that when confronted, anyone should automatically take on anything that I may be bringing up. I am not a person’s judge, only Jesus is. Yet we are told in the Bible to bring our grievances to each other (Matthew 18:15-17) and it is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict (John 16:5-11). So, when I have been mistreated and when I have brought it up, it shows that a person should not be trusted when they ignore what I’ve said and move on to tell me all of the bad things I’ve ever done ( and at times making things up that never happened). When someone is unwilling to admit where they’ve legitimately done or said wrong, they generally are not going to change their behavior and therefore are not going to be safe to be around.
The second characteristic, which ties into the first, is when a person throws themselves on the mercy of God. In other words, that the person has professed that they sin and need Jesus to redeem them. I am far more likely to trust someone who admits to not having everything together and that they sin, because a person who says they never hurt anyone or lie, etc., is obviously not going to admit when they’ve mistreated me or anyone else for that matter. Now I’m not saying that all Christians are automatically safe and trustworthy. I would never say that, because I have experienced mistreatment from just as many Christians as non-Christians. So I guess you may wonder why I consider Christianity a qualifier then. Well, in my life I have had my parents’ example as you’ve read above, and also I have had the example of others who rely heavily on Jesus and His example in their lives. And I don’t think there is really anyone other than Jesus in history that could stand up to being the epitome of being trustworthy and safe. Even if you don’t believe that Jesus is who He says He is, who in history has been morally superior to Jesus? Who else has been willing to do what Jesus did for us, die a horrible death and take on every wrong thing that anyone has ever done, thought, felt, etc?
But I don’t mean to get into an argument with anyone or to try to convert people. I’m trying to talk about safety here. Heh. So for me, a Christian who actively lives like Jesus is considered safe. This takes time for me though. I don’t see one thing a person does and automatically say “Oh, I can trust this person.” I actually discourage that because trust is such an important thing that takes time to build and should not be given lightly. I used to trust all the wrong kinds of people and would just take whatever someone dished out to me without a thought. I still can fall into that habit and have to be more vigilant. I am learning though and take my time even with the people that have proven to be trustworthy by my standards.
I actually thought that I had more to list than I do. I am laying here trying to think of anything else that makes me feel safe. I suppose that things such as compassion, kindness, consideration, understanding, encouraging, and etc. all fall under the characteristics of Jesus and therefore are grouped into my second characteristic category. I reiterate though that I realize not all Christians possess these characteristics. This is either because someone who professes to be a Christian doesn’t really understand what it is to be one, or because God hasn’t chosen to work on that specific part of the person yet. Christians aren’t better people than everyone else. We still do bad things and mess up. It’s about whether or not we pay attention to the nudge of the Holy Spirit and our fellow believers to realize where we need to repent and change. The process of becoming like Jesus as is life-long, so even when I say I trust someone who has repeatedly proved to follow Jesus’ example, I know that they will still hurt me or slight me at times. If they repent, it is then my desire to learn to forgive them (Matthew 18:21-35).
I don’t know if any of this has struck a chord with you, but I would like to know now, what characteristics prove safety and trustworthiness to you? What kind of person do you trust?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
sometimes it really get's me...
... realizing that many people can't/won't understand what its like to be limited, to have any form of disability if they don't have one. its especially hard if they can't see the proof blatantly with their eyes because its something going on inside the body. they don't get that you just can't push yourself to do things even if you really want to, or you can't compromise your health in order to have fun. and when you do (because you like their company and are tired of being left out/alone, or being questioned about why you didn't do this or why you didn't do that), they don't understand how much it took for you to go out and do something. also, they never know how its going to affect you later. it takes you a couple of days, sometimes a week to recuperate from one night's worth of pushing yourself; what would take a healthy person less than 8 hours to sleep off. you end up exhausted the next day, unable to fulfill responsibilities and work, and many times certain activities will make the chronic pain you have worse.
it really makes me sad and makes me want to give up trying. you can't make everyone care, i know that. but i just wish so much that more people would take the time to try and understand. i don't want pity, i just want people to open their eyes a bit. there are a lot of disabled/limited people around that are completely ignored, worse off than me, and much, much lonelier. and they all need to be understood by another person. just being willing to listen and trying to understand what a person is going through makes a huge difference, along with being willing to make accommodations for the person that wouldn't really require any energy or hardship on the healthy individual.
it really makes me sad and makes me want to give up trying. you can't make everyone care, i know that. but i just wish so much that more people would take the time to try and understand. i don't want pity, i just want people to open their eyes a bit. there are a lot of disabled/limited people around that are completely ignored, worse off than me, and much, much lonelier. and they all need to be understood by another person. just being willing to listen and trying to understand what a person is going through makes a huge difference, along with being willing to make accommodations for the person that wouldn't really require any energy or hardship on the healthy individual.
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