An Example of "Spiritual Abuse"

"Jeri sat in the office of a Christian counselor, explaining that she felt desperate, and felt like she was going crazy. 'Either that,' she said dryly, 'or I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough in my spiritual growth.'

'Those are two big opposites,' the counselor noted. 'How did you come to that conclusion?'

'Well,' she began, choking up, 'I went to my pastor a few months ago because I was feeling depressed a lot. He pegged the root problem right away, but I can't seem to do anything about it.'

'Root problem...' the counselor repeated. 'What was that?'

Jeri looked down at her shoe tops. 'I guess I would have to say the problem is, well, me. My pastor says I'm in rebellion against God.'

What unfolded was an unfortunate, and all too common, case history: Jeri's church teaches that Scripture is God's Word, the standard by which we must live. But they use it as a measure by which we gain acceptance with God rather than as a guide for living. Therefore, when she asked her pastor for help with her depression, she was given a 'prescription' of praise Scriptures to memorize and repeat over and over. This, she was told, would get her mind off herself and onto God. The depression would lift when she got over her sinful self-centeredness.

Jeri had tried what the pastor suggested, but her depression didn't lift, and this raised some questions. She noted that there was a history of depression among the women in her family, and she was presently experiencing some physical problems. Moreover, she confided to her pastor that she was struggling in her relationship with her husband, because he shrugged off responsibilities with their two teenagers, who were beginning to get into trouble.

'How did he respond when you said his suggestions didn't help?'

'That's when he dropped the bomb on me,' Jerri said.

The counselor did not fail to notice her choice of metaphor--the devastation Jeri was trying to portray--and asked, 'What sort of bomb?'

The pastor had told her, 'The fact that you won't accept my counsel without raising all these objections and other possibilities was the major indication to me. Jeri, that your root problem is spiritual, not physical or emotional. When you talked about arguing with your husband, rather than submitting to him and trusting God, that confirmed it.' He concluded that the other problems--emotional depression, physical illness, a troubled marriage and teenagers in turmoil--were the result of her inability to submit fully to God and His Word.

Jeri had tried to object. 'I told him I felt condemned. That I felt I needed some other kind of help.'

'What happened?' the counselor prompted.

'That made it worse. My pastor just smiled and said I wasn't willing to accept his counsel--so that proved he was right. That's when he used the 'R' word on me. He said, "Jeri, you need to repent of your rebellion against God. Then all these minor problems will be taken care of."'

'That's a strong judgment against you,' the counselor noted. 'What do you think about it?'

Tears welled up, and Jeri dabbed at them with a tissue. Then she sat wringing the tissue in knots as she replied. 'I feel like a bug pinned down to a piece of cardboard. I try to praise God--I do praise Him. But the problem with my husband and kids goes on and on. And when I'm honest with myself I get mad, because just repeating Scriptures, when our family and our health is falling apart, seems so shallow.

'But then I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing my pastor's words. And I think I must be a terrible Christian -- in rebellion, like he said--or my life wouldn't be such a mess. He's right, isn't he? Rebellions is a sin we all deal with.

'But the turmoil in me has gone on for four months, and I found myself thinking I should stick my head in our gas oven. And other times I think I must be on the verge of a breakthrough to more 'holiness' -- if only I could praise enough, or submit enough. But I don't think I can stick it out long enough. I just feel exhausted, and like I'm losing my mind.

'I can't carry all this weight anymore,' she ended, pleadingly. 'Help me...'

Jeri's dilemma is similar to countless cases we've encountered, representing a widespread and serious problem among Christians. The problem, as we have come to know it, is that of spiritual abuse. 

No doubt the term itself will disturb, if not shock, many people, though that is not our intent. Nor is it our intent to be alarmist, though we are sounding a call that a problem exists. Therefore, it's important to define what we mean by spiritual abuse, and also to make clear from the start that any one of us can be a victim, and sometimes even a perpetrator without realizing what we are doing..."

- David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen

from: http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse-Manipulation/dp/0764201379/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376855240&sr=1-1&keywords=the+subtle+power+of+spiritual+abuse