While I've been disturbed by the obsession with vampires and other undead or "immortal" creatures for awhile now, reading "Touched by a Vampire" by Beth Felker Jones has helped me realize just how important it is to be discerning about these trends in literature and movies/TV shows. There are various messages, especially in the Twilight Saga, that go against Christian belief and are actually dangerous for it's readers. One specific message that I noticed after hearing about the plot of the first Twilight book/movie and after watching the second movie was that of abuse in the relationship between Bella and Edward. Having been in unhealthy relationships myself in the past, and seeing various persons in my life also going through or having gone through abusive relationships, it actually angers me that the author of Twilight would put this type of relationship into a book that is geared towards young girls.
Here's a quote from Beth Felker Jones about this message:
"Love That Isn't Love
Real love may be complicated, but there are ways of 'loving' that aren't love at all. When love abuses, when love hurts the one who is supposed to be cared for, then love isn't love. Too many features of Bella's love for Edward parallel the relationships of the many real girls and women who experience abuse.
Abuse in dating and marriage relationships is an enormous problem. We can't afford to nourish any attitudes that might make abuse seem normal or acceptable. Often, what begins with one incident of abuse--a slap, a bruise--escalates until the relationship ends with an abusive husband or boyfriend killing the one he is supposed to 'love.' Let's take a look at some key signs of abusive relationships:
- possessiveness and jealousy
- trying to control the partner's behavior
- becoming isolated from friends or family
- the man tends to be violent, to lose his temper
- constantly checking up on the partner, always wanting to keep an eye on her
- threatening to commit suicide if the partner leaves the relationship
If we examine the list above, it is easy to see how idealizing the love between Bella and Edward might become an excuse for abuse. Edward doesn't hit Bella, but their relationship exhibits most, if not all, of these features of an abusive relationship. Edward, for instance, tries to control Bella's comings and goings. He takes parts out of her car to keep her from going to visit Jacob, and he even watches her in her sleep. His reason, of course, is that he is trying to protect her from danger, but this doesn't make him any less controlling.
If we idealize Bella and Edward's love, it may be an easy step to seeing controlling, possessive behavior as loving behavior. But, truly, it is anything but. Being controlling and jealous is not a sign of great love. It is a sign of something dark and dangerous.
When I think about the parallels between violent and abusive relationships, and love as it is depicted in Twilight, I worry about Bella's behavior and the things Bella says to herself about love even more than I worry about Edward's desire to control her.
The Twilight Saga suggests that the love between Bella and Edward is true love. If Bella and Edward are used as a measuring stick for love in real life, we may come to believe that true love looks a lot like controlling, abusive love. We may be in danger of ignoring the goodness of gentle love, love that grants freedom to the loved on, love that enjoys everyday life.
Instead of a true love, we see that Bella wants to belong to Edward, whatever the cost. She is willing to rationalize all kinds of dangers and threats as part of what it means to love him. The whole scope of the books is about her desire to die for him, and eventually she does.
Other members of the Cullen family are willing to change Bella from a human to a vampire, but she wants it to be Edward. Consider her thoughts on the matter: 'I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel...I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.' I don't know how we can read this as anything but eerie. She wants him to destroy her. When he finally changes her into a vampire, she hides her agony and suffering. She wants to take the pain with a compose face so that Edward won't know how much he has hurt her.
Dating violence and abuse is very, very common among adolescents. Teenagers can be especially vulnerable to abusive relationships because they don't have many years of experience with dating relationships and don't know if what's going on is normal or not. Teenagers are also made vulnerable by peer pressure to be in a relationship and reluctance to tell adults what is going on. Adults in schools, homes, and churches have a responsibility to protect teenagers who are facing violence.
If our assumptions about love make controlling, possessive, jealous behavior seem normal, we need to change those assumptions. If our views of love condone violence against girls and women, we need to change those views."
-Beth Felker Jones
