Expectations

Some of the most prevalent things that seem to trip up relationships are the expectations that each party brings to the table. Whether it be expectations of character, physical features, personality, religious beliefs, political beliefs, social background, etc., we all seem to have some sort of standard that we measure our significant other or possible significant other by. I had an enlightening conversation about this subject with my Godmother/employer a couple of months ago. Being a little over thirty years older than me, she has a pretty good perspective on many subjects. One of the things that I remember the most from this particular conversation was the idea that we all have these lists that we judge prospective datees (yeah I know that's probably not a word) by. As we get older, if we remain unmarried, this list becomes shorter and more to the point. We begin to realize what we need to compromise on or what the most important traits necessary for a good relationship really are.

As a twenty-five year old just recently entering back into the dating world after an almost five year stint of conscious singleness, I have the tendency to keep amending my list. I am learning to look at dating differently not only because I am older than I was in past relationships, but also because I am in a different place spiritually/mentally than I was five years ago (thank God). I am figuring out what I want out of a relationship and what kind of person I can really get along with.

All of this thinking can get very self-centered though. If I'm paying attention to my thought process, it becomes clear that it is more about what I want and what I get out of something than what I put into it. All of the expectations I have may be wise, but am I measuring myself by that same list? Do I possess the characteristics that I want my partner to have? Am I willing to look at myself honestly (or have someone I trust tell me honestly) and work on my own flaws or sins? I want to be willing. I want to look at someone with the same compassion and understanding that I would hope others would afford me. The tricky part for me is going to be balancing my expectations with my willingness to change. I always see things about myself that I want changed. Can I give and expect equally? I guess we will see. In the meantime, I'll share my current list with you all. Hopefully it helps you think about yours.



My Expectations

1) He has to be a Christian; to love Jesus and put his relationship with God above everything else.
2) He needs to be respectful of me, to treat me well. No abuses, manipulation, or controlling behavior. I don't put up with that crap.
3) He needs to be willing to be honest with himself about who he really is and not just who he thinks he is or wants to be.
4) Should be intelligent, a thinker, and able to hold deep conversations.
5) Should be creative in some way, whether it be music, writing, dancing, or fine arts.
6) Should be able to be playful and serious at the appropriate times.
7) He needs to always be willing to learn new things, to grow as a person.